We started doing it about 3 years ago, when another couple from our church told us about how they do it. It is something we have come to treause and hope to do for years and years to come.
People tease us that we go to only plan, but I find that planning and romance go hand in hand. Stay with me here, and let me tell you how. We spend a weekend talking about our goals for ourselves and for each other. We dream about future vacations and trips. We dream about what our kids will be like when they grow up, about having more children, and about what we want for our lives and for each other. I get to hear Jason share his heart and mind on this trip more than any other time of the year. How is that not romantic? We don't just plan the details of our life (which is part of it) but we come together and look at where we have been and where we are going. It joins our focus and our hearts....and that ends up being very intimate! =0)
So, let me give you an idea what we do in case this is a tradition you would like to start in your own family. I highly recomend it.
Here is an idea what we talk about when we go on our “family business meetings” each year.
Tips:
1. We usually have one person who jots down notes as we talk (or later when we get to the room). Type it up later to be able to reference during the year and to save for next year.
2. We talk while we do everything…while we take walks, eat, swim, lounge in the room, etc. Just make sure your topic mood matches the setting, or side-bar something for later if you get off track.
3. If you start to do this regularly, bring last years plan with you, so you have your outline to follow so you don’t skip areas. Plus, we end up adding topics it seems every year…
4. Before you start, pray, and then look at last years and see how well you did following the goals, etc. You will get an idea where you tend to be too lofty or too specific and be easier on yourself this time.
5. Have fun! Plan romance in between conversation. You might be surprised how romantic it is to just hear your partners thoughts and dreams, and to feel like you are working together, as a team toward difficult goals.
6. Make it at least overnight. We find two half days and the night barely enough time to hit everything we want to discuss. It would be much nicer to have that second full day and another night out to relax and give yourself some breaks, veg-out time, and relaxation! (and sleeping in!!!)
1.) Budget:
*We talk nitty-gritty here. Down to grocery money, and all the way up to tithing and saving for the kids college.
*This is the most time, labor intensive. Do this sitting in a place with little distractions, have your last month of spending in front of you, and a calculator! (be prepared for it to take at least 1 hour of work, depending on if you have a budget from the previous year that you are revising, or longer if you are starting from scratch).
(Hint: we LOVE www.mint.com, and it is free, and I think easier to use than Quicken, or other software you buy…)
2.) Tax Refund:
*Here we discuss (NEVER argue…) about what we think we will get back with the refund, and how we will spend/save it)
*Easy to talk about, short, could be done anywhere…
3.) Husband’s Work:
*Priorities, difficulties, prayers, schedules, possible changes (schedule, job, salary, etc.)
*What you talk about will vary with what job you have.
*Pretty light and easy to discuss, can do over dinner, etc. Except if major changes are coming or need to be discussed….
4.) Wife’s Work:
*Same as hubby…
*If you don’t work, use this to talk about changes you would like to make at home, with kids, meals, chores, etc.
5.) Kids:
*We spend time talking about each child individually. Share goals, difficulties, schedules, school plans, etc.
*We pick 1-2 major prayers we want to pray for that child over the year, or sometimes a verse to pray for the child.
*We usually find this really fun because we get into the “dreaming” time for our kids. So it is easy to talk about while walking or eating, etc. But if your kids are struggling (or just teenagers!) this may take more effort and focus.
6.) Family Planning
*Fairly self-explanatory….but you may be past this part! We just talk about possibilities of more kids, birth, adoption, timing, cost, maternity leave, how it affects work, etc.
*Another fun “dreaming” topic, fun to talk about over a romantic dinner, etc.
7.) Schedules:
*We (ok, Mary) is probably more planned than some, so this may be a very short topic. For us, it is longer.
*We discuss: goals for kinds of/how often date nights, family nights. We also discuss days/nights where we think we waste time, or days we wish we could change (ie. We want Sundays to be days where we are more active with the children, and more purposeful with family time, or else the day is kind of wasted after church and naps, etc.) Plus, we schedule our summer (loosely) since Jason is off all summer and if we like to have an idea what that time will look like so we can get the most out of it!
*We usually need more time and effort into this, with our schedule out.
8.) Household Projects and improvements:
*Again, this may be specific to us. But, it is important for us to prioritize what needs/wants to be done to the house. This is often a place where expectations get laid out, and reality gets clarified.
*This is kind-of a medium level topic. You may have to tie it in with budget and schedule.
9.) Vacations:
*Fun topic to think through what family (or possibly individual) trips you will take this year. It is important to remember this is a loose plan. Good time to discuss time, place, budget, dreams.
*Would be good (I imagine) to discuss teenagers, and possible trips they will take that year, and budget for those as well….
10.) GOALS:
*This is a pretty heavy topic. We save it until the end of the weekend, because it seems like a nice summary of everything we have talked about together.
a. Couple goals:
*We discuss goals we have together. These can be as broad as speaking nicer to each other, and as specific as books you want to read together or family things like (pray more often as family, get out of debt, etc.)
b. Individual goals:
*Here we share our personal goals for the year with our spouse. Again, it could be as simple as exercise more and as deep as a personal heart change you are praying for. We find sharing them is really important because not only are your forced to verbalized them (and write them down) but your spouse can pray for you, encourage you, and keep you accountable during the year.
Lastly:
Verse/Prayer for the Year:
After we look at the whole weekend, re-read everything we talked about, we try to focus in on one thing to direct our focus for the year. I am shocked (well, not really, cause God always works it out) that our concerns for our kids, each other, plans, schedules, budget, etc. most often clearly point to one area where we need to focus. When we agree/see that area, we try to find a verse that we can memorize, put up at home, and pray for the family for the year. (ie. Ours is thankfulness, and the verse 1Thess. 5:16-18) When the kids get older, we want them to memorize the scripture with us, so we can all be accountable to it together.
Hope this gives you something you can do to invest in your marraige and your family. In our family, it just gets too busy sometimes to be intentional, and talk about everything we need to be on the same page. This weekend alone togehter allows us to invest time and effort into our marraige/family that otherwise wouldn't happen!
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