A Season of Change!

We are experiencing lots of new things and changes here at the Young household as of late. The boys are growing up quickly, and it is fun *most of the time* to see all the new things that lay ahead.

We went to the store today and bought...."Underwears!" Yes, it is that time! Potty training, here we come. We are not jumping in full-throttle at this point, but are trying to warm Charlie into it, letting him sit on the potty, wear underwear, etc. Today I found him on the floor, naked, pants pulled to his ankles and a poopy diaper on the floor next to him. When I asked him what he was doing he said, "I had Poops, Mommy, I wanted to change my diaper!" I think that may have been a sign. Sooo, he we go, head first into this stage I have long dreaded. I am excited, though, at the possibility of only one in diapers sometime (granted it could be another 5 months!) soon...

And Maxwell, our little "almost" one year old, is now permanently, non-attached to his mommy! YEAH! Don't get me wrong, I love breastfeeding. It is always a struggle at the beginning, but pays off dividends and makes life easier, healthier, and less expensive. Not to mention I always get my Max cuddle time in. But as of now, I am SOOO excited to be wearing normal bras again! Yippee! And let's not breeze over the fact, that my little Moose Baby is about to celebrate the big 1! I can't believe he is so big, he eats anything he possibly can, crawls at lightening speed, is doing some rudimentary sign-language, and is starting to babble. Granted he still has no teeth, but he is so grown up! I am trying not to mourn the loss of my baby, and instead be excited for what is ahead.

Jason and I are also enjoying a different time for us. Once Charlie turned 1 year old, we were already pregnant with Max. Now, it seems for a while, Mommy is not carrying or attached to any child! It is kinda like getting your body back (too bad it doesn't look the same as before!). We feel we can enjoy and participate with our kids now, in a kind-of unattached way. We love to go outside and play, ride bikes, play with play dough, and so much more. The possibilities of what we can do with them, and what they can understand, is really growing, and that is really exciting! Jason loves to think about all the "boy" things he and Charlie will be able to do this summer!

We are looking forward to this new season, and a chance to play with our boys, watch them grow and mature...and maybe someday, add to the family again...

A little Introspective Time

I have always been a processor. Every idea, emotion, thought, lesson, action, tends to get "mulled over" and organized in my head before anything can ever be done or brought to resolution. Apparently it is something I have done since birth. My mother says my middle name is "stew." Granted, there are times (mom!) that things are over-processed, but it has become a way for me to inspect my heart and true thoughts on many matters. I do my processing in many ways. I tend to think aloud often, and if you have ever spent more than 20 minutes with me, I have probably been "bouncing ideas" around with you. I also tend to do a lot of writing. I have journals of thoughts and prayers from years and years. And yes, this blog also serves as a bit of tool for me to digest my thoughts.

But lately, I have felt back-logged. With time limited, I feel that many issues, thoughts, honest looks at myself, and resolutions are merely floating around in my head. I encounter them frequently, but haven't had the time to actually organize them in my mind and deal with them. And I am getting very overwhelmed and frustrated! It is one thing to be introspective, but it is quite another to not have the time to interact with all the things you are dealing with!

Let me give you an example. Scheduling. It is something that I know is broken in our lives right now, and needs to be righted. We have too much on our plate, and are struggling with what to remove (it is the "everything is good, but not everything is best" battle). And I haven't had time alone long enough to really pray and think on what needs to change. All I seem to deal with is the frustrating reminder daily, as I try to make decisions, that I feel very overwhelmed! Tonight is a rare Wed. night I didn't work, and immediatly 2 seperate events came up in which I could attend: Ash Wed. service, or dinner out with friends at work. Both things I wanted to do. And I became so frustrated that I put off a decision on which to do for over a week, and finally decided on the service 10 min. before I needed to leave. I wasn't even able to make a decision because all I kept encountering was the emotion behind what I knew was a bigger issue: meeting everyone's needs, fulfilling what I think are my "obligations" and feeling guilty no matter what choice I make, all the while not feeling like my needs are being met.

The problem with a person who processes, who doesn't have the time, is, as they continue to deal with an unresolved issue, they will grow more and more frustrated and overwhelmed. I find myself here right now...overwhelmed and exhausted. I can think of at least 10 things I feel deserve some thought and prayer, that I haven't attended to lately. Schedules, a suggestion someone made to me that most of the decisions I make I do out of guilt (need to think about that!), my attitude towards lent and if I want to "give something up" this year, Jason and I's involvement in our church, simplifying, etc. etc. etc. Each one deserves some thought, and possible change in order to be resolved. And as time progresses, and I continue to push the issue back into my head, saving it for another time, the emotion behind each issue grows.

So now, I am praying that God will allow for me windows of time to just sit and think, journal, and pray. To seek out a life abundant, a life in constant progress and growth, to see the truth God is teaching me, and to work out my salvation in fear and trembling....all before I explode!

Confessions of a Mom

(this is a Special version of Not Me! Monday...brought to you this Monday, Feb. 23rd. Join in Mom's as we explore our failings and laugh at ourselves on MckMamma's blog.)

I have been a "stay at home mom" for 2.5 years now. But, I also work part-time while doing that. And it seems especially lately (maybe now with two little people at home) I have been noticing the differences more glaringly. And I want to know, why can't us SAHM's operate more like a company? There are things that I NEVER thought I would miss, that now I desperately wish I could implement in my "family job"...

1. Mandatory things.

Yes, I know. It is a huge pain at work when they tell you you have to come to this meeting, or your pay gets docked. Or you have to complete this course or that training or you will be fired. I still dread them at my part-time job. But, I want SOOO badly to be able to say something is mandatory at home!!! Think about it a minute. Let's say you "need" to get your haircut. But is it mandatory....nope. Whether or not you can go get it done all depends on your husbands job and whether he can get home before the place closes, whether or not your son naps well that day, whether there is money after you buy diapers, etc. You see what I mean. Without levels of priorities on things....stuff never gets done! I long to call up my husband and say, "Sorry Honey, you need to take off today because I must scrapbook some (esp. since your almost 3 year old son only has his birth done and let's not even start on the second kid...) because if I don't, I will no longer be paid to be your wife and their mother." Nope. Everything in our "family job" is of equal importance....it is below everyone else's priorities and depends on the whim of getting all their stuff done, and everything that is a "need" pushes everything you hoped to get done to the back burner. See, wouldn't it be nice? Mandatory coffee breaks, mandatory naps, budget meetings, and time to pay bills, mandatory.....

2. Hours.

How many times are you told..."Sorry honey, I have to stay late at work today, so can you...." Don't you wish your job had hours too? Your job begins and ends....NEVER! Your children don't care that you planned so diligently to get up early and work-out today, they stayed up all night vomiting anyway! They don't care that you must stay up all night to work tonight and desperately need to nap, they decided...not to nap today! At "real jobs," no matter how busy the day, there is still a time where you can leave, walk away, and get a break until tomorrow. Not so at home! The schedule is constantly changing, and the hours never ending. Come on Mom's, admit it now, haven't you stayed up til 1am doing laundry and cleaning the kitchen, just because it never got done during the day, you ran out of time, and you didn't want to see it again at 6am in the morning?

3. Vacation time, breaks, holidays, catered food, lunch breaks and other perks...

How many times, Moms, have you missed lunch (or any meal) because you just couldn't squeeze it in to the day, or it was just too much of a hassle? By the time you make a meal, serve it, pick it up off the floor, wash the floor and the table, and do the dishes, do you just give up at making yourself take a "lunch break?" How about those times at work when someone "brought" you catered food? Or you had time to go get good, hot, restaurant food? That ever happen at home? Or what about time off for holidays and vacation? I don't know about you, but holidays and vacation, despite the joy and special moments, because it is outside the norm, should be considered overtime for us! How is lugging children, spouses, and stuff to someone else's house, where everyone is unfamiliar, where no remnant of your previous schedule was followed, and where the kids have no food they like around...count as vacation? Right now if I weighed pros and con's (for myself) it would very rarely be worth ever leaving the house! But, for the sake of my kids memories, tradition, family, and a change of scenery, we venture out, take vacations, try camping, traveling, and even visiting family. And amidst all the chaos...you must remind yourself...."Oh yeah, this is MY vacation too!" Don't you feel relaxed?

4. Schedules.

Yup, the dreaded schedule. If you have ever worked anywhere where you weren't salaried, or had a set schedule, you know the dread that comes with schedules. Did I get the days off I wanted? Am I working weekends this week? Etc., etc. Well, I try to be scheduled at home too! Key word, try! Don't you wish you could know, coming into your week, what each day will look like? We can plan to go to the park on Tues., grocery story on Mon., and finger paint on Friday, but who knows if that schedule will ever come to fruition? It all depends on the timing of the meltdowns (how do I get to see that schedule ahead of time?), who naps, what the weather is, or how well Mommy is handling the stress! =) Ever try to change out of your pajamas or do your hair, and each time you try someone has a diaper that needs changing, a nose that needs wiping, is having a meltdown, or just hit their sibling? Then you realize you are still dressed in jammies, haven't brushed your teeth or hair, and your husband will be home in a couple of minutes? Ever gone the entire day without going pee? Can we schedule that in please?

5. Pay.

Ok, we all wish this was a part of our work as SAHM's. But quite frankly, after looking at this list, you can't afford me. (Trust me, I do the budget around here too!)

So, how 'bout we start a union? Equal pay, equal rights? Mandatory breaks, lunch hours, vacations, holidays, and hours? No, you don't think it would work? We couldn't just all unite and make everyone appreciate our job? Well, why does anyone do this job? What in the world makes it worth it?

Oh yes, now I remember, my two precious boys....everything I go through is completely worth it!

Shower Adventures..."The Mousse Baby"

I have alluded in previous posts to the "adventures" that happen in my bathroom while I attempt to shower. It seems no matter how well things are baby-proofed I am constantly wondering what I will see from my two mischievous boys when I emerge from the shower. This is what I saw today when I stepped out...





What I wasn't able to capture on the camera, was the complete joy on Charlie's face, when he was able to find Mommy's mousse, and rub in all over himself, the floor, and his brother. The first thing I saw when I stepped out, was a large, wet pile of white foam on the top of Max's head!




Poor Max was just wondering why he was chosen for the experiment in hairstyling!






And here is the results of Charlie's hard work...this is "The Mousse Baby!" Very stylish don't you think?

The only question that remains is, what will they get into during the next shower??

God is moving...

Do you ever feel that God might be moving you in a direction, but you aren't really sure how, or when, or in what way yet? Talents He has given you, that you aren't sure how you will use? Or desires He has given you that you have no idea how they will be granted? Or interests in ministries that you aren't sure how you fit into at this time?

I have been thinking about that lately. It seems I have some areas that I think God is leading, but not sure where they are leading. It is hard to describe. Almost like awakenings in your heart, that haven't grown or come to fruition. And yet, somehow, you are aware of their depth, of their breadth of possibility. You can only see this small part, and yet, you can feel the power these desires carry.

I wonder if I am being prepared for something, someday. If all these things circumstances, desires, talents, and seemingly small coincidences line up purposely because I am being prepared for a path. One in which I will minister, or one in which I will experience.

I, a short term planner, am amazed at what hope this awakens in my look into the future. What will God have for me? How will I use this experience, this talent? Why am I being thrown into these places/times/experiences, and what will they be used for? Perhaps nothing. Perhaps it merely gives me depth to love others, and no specific plan will be born from them.

But, I wonder. I wonder. Something feels different. Like I am only seeing the tip of an iceberg God has been creating for years. It is so small, and yet hints at its immensity.

So, I wait. Wait for God to continue to put the pieces of the puzzle together. To give me glimpses of His plan for me. I am excited at the possibilities, and yet, don't feel urged to move....yet. I am satisfied to rest in Him, and let the loose ends begin to weave themselves together into a clear plan. Content to let Him grow me, prepare me, and move me. Coincidences? I think not. But other than being sure of that, I must wait for God to move. But the awakening in my soul I cannot deny. When I look closely at the small pieces, and imagine the possible directions, I can already feel the joy.

God is definitely moving...May I join with Him, and someday get to see and feel the full depth of joy that even now I have only tasted.

Tornadic Activity

Jason and I tend to be kinda clueless when it comes to weather and news. We don't regularly watch the news, and have admitted on numerous occasions that we really ought to. This was the case last night, when we had no idea the anticipated weather for the evening. When our fellowship group was leaving around 9pm, someone casually said "We need to get home before all the storms and tornadoes start." Good thing they warned us!

At 9:45 out of nowhere, heavy rain, loud thunder, and incredible lightning start. Immediately I suggest we go to our bedroom, where it was dark, to watch the lightening show. I get up to go, and the entire house goes black. At the same time, Jason and I hear a horrible sound, something like a train going by in our backyard. Then marble size hail follows.
At this point we can't look at the TV or computer (since we have no power) so we just decide to go to bed and figure the electricity will be on in a little bit and all will be fine by morning. But 30 minutes later, as we are getting ready for bed by candle light, we hear tons of sirens and chain saws. This continued all night, and still no power.
In the morning, we awoke to still no power, and an electricity pole down in our backyard, with lots of Garland Power and Light men wondering around checking our lines. Part of our fence was down in the backyard, so we figured, wow, those were some strong winds.
Well, power returned around 10am and went off again at 1pm. The electric company said two poles were down with lots of damage. Everything was finally fixed by 4:00pm.
When Jason came home from school, we took a walk around the neighborhood and watched the news. It wasn't high winds, it was a funnel cloud or tornado (they aren't sure which.) because of the amount of damage, and the fact that teh damage is sporadic (apparently that is a sign of tornadoes, one house fine, one damaged...)

Here is some of the damage on our street...


Notice the branch on the right sheered off.


This is our next door neighbors tree...


This house is across the alley and over from us.





More huge branches down.


This house is 3 houses from us, and this tree was HUGE!


Luckily it just missed their house.



Needless to say, we are VERY thankful that all the damage we got was part of our fence down, and the telephone/electricity pole down in the backyard, and branches down. Thank you Lord for keeping the clueless safe!!!

Not Me! Monday

Join the large groups of perfect women who never do stupid/embarressing things with their kids and husbands on MckMamma's site.

1. I did not put my husbands nice (and expensive) wool sweater in the washer and dryer this week, making it just larger than Charlie's clothes! This did not happen after I nagged, no, lectured, no, gently discussed with him his need to be more careful when he does the wash!

2. I do not wait until both the boys go to sleep to enjoy any sort of dessert! And I do not do this just so I won't have to share it with them when they see it and want a bite!!

3. I did not make fun of Fireproof in the beginning of the movie because of it's cheesy acting, but then end up balling the last 30 minutes because it was so touching!

4. I did not Google the "40 Day Love Dare" and when I found out it was a real book, try to find someway to secretly get it to my husband. He is already a wonderful husband, and I was not just hoping to get some nice flowers or little kind gestures out of him reading it!

5. I did not post something on Facebook about work, and how frustrated I am with the "attempts" to fix morale, when it was never broken...especially since my work friends see my Facebook account. And I did not specifically point out how frustrated I am that they are bringing nurses on that are supposed to help us out, but are never supposed to take patients. That would be petty, and would violate the no gossip rule!!!

Battle Weary

Tonight I am weary. The defeats of the day seem to be overwhelming. It feels that sin has won, and my soul is wounded from the battle. The thorn in my side...is bleeding. I feel completely defeated. I am glad to be alone at the moment, so I don't run across a well-meaning friend who tells me that the Christian life is meant to be glorious, abundant, a victory! Today, it only feels like a long, painful road. On days like this, problems feel large, and impassable. It seems a large chasm has emerged, and there will never be a way to cross it. My emotions betray my knowledge. I must remind myself that feelings are not truth. And, again, I try to turn my weary heart towards the truth. A passage in Romans comes to mind again:

"For I am convinced that
neither death, nor life
neither angels nor demons,
neither the present nor the future,
nor any powers
neither height or depth,
nor anything else in all creation,
will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Rom. 8:38-39

I love the way Paul wrote this verse, because the canter of the phrase allows me to insert whatever it is that I am dealing with right into the heart of the verse. For I am convinced that {insert current struggle or emotion here} can separate from the love of Christ. And trust me, I have inserted many things into this verse! Tonight, it is a reminder of something so basic that I probably learned it in Sunday school when I was 3: God is big. VERY big. Bigger than every struggle, emotion, sin, disappointment, failure, circumstance, or battle.

Tonight, on a night like this, those words are like balm to my soul. They restore me, lift me up, give me energy to continue to fight. And they land me square in my Savior's Love.

Not Me! Monday

Ever have one of those days?

When the kids are mischievous, devious, disobedient, and sneaky...
When you yell at them way more than you should...
When you feel that you aren't controlling your anger, but you still continue...
When you don't get anything done off your LONG list of things to do...
When not only you didn't get to shower, you didn't even get to change out of pajamas or brush your teeth...
When not only was dinner not made, you never even attempted to do anything, on purpose...
When you never made any calls that you planned on making...
When all you do all day is mentally complain to yourself about your life...
When you are just as frustrated at yourself as you are the kids...
When "if one more salesman calls, I am really going to say something I regret"...
When every last thing feels like the last straw...
When no matter what you do the kids just scream and cry anyway...
When you contemplate just locking them in their room and taking 5 minutes to breathe by yourself...
When your husband comes home right when you actually do decide to lock them in their room and try to breathe, and then judges you for it...

No, never had a day like that? Me neither!